Just feeling a bit lost

Two posts in one day - oh My! I really should spread it out over the week but what is a blog for if not to get things down on paper....um keyboard.

The picture above is not very good - however - it is representative for me of how I am feeling about my job right now.

I am indeed feeling very blurred about this job which I have no choice but to do right now. I am in the fortunate position of have a very well paid part time job and while I could be a full time stay at home mama - I do enjoy the adult interaction and the brain usage that happens at my job (occasionally). It is the brain usage part that is causing most of the blur.

I am really struggling with th epsychology of working part time. I feel the same as what I did when I was full time and I still have the same drive and want to achieve things that I did when I was full time, but the powers that be just aren't giving me the amount or difficulty of work that I need to keep my mind occupied. I get given menial and boring things which don't challenge me in the least and I can do in 5 seconds.

Half the problem is that I fell pregnant at a really bad time where work is concerned. I had only been at this new job for three weeks when I discovered I was 6 weeks pregnant - so in reality I haven't been there for very long - BUT - I have been doing this job for nearly 10 years and now because of the pregnancy and a few other things I am not getting recognised for that level of experience and it frustrates me so much.

I feel like is am paddling upstream and I think I am sick of feeling like I am fighting this job - and while I am part time I will most likely always feel this way. But I have no intention of going full time until our children are at least starting school - so I try to tell myself - why worry? But the problem is that I am too ambitious and I get bored easily when I am not challenged.

It is a difficult situation because while I am part time it is unlikely that I will get the opportunity for the level of challenge I want and yet I don't want to go full time and have my child miss out on spending time with me.

So my solution is that I have to work on Letting Go and simply go to work and be happy while I am there. Not worry about being challenged just do what I am given well and get on with it - if I can do this I am sure I will be happier on the days I am there and before I know it there will be another baby on the way and more maternity leave.

OR I will find another job.